A Year of Grief, Gratitude, and Memories

My dearest Aggybear, A year has passed, and I still feel your absence deeply. Thank you for choosing me, for your love, and for every moment we shared. You were my best friend and changed my life forever. I miss you endlessly. – Always, your English boy 💜

When I think back to all that has happened over the last 12-13 months, it's really hard to process sometimes. Losing your person, your best friend, your life partner... nothing can prepare you for that, and nothing makes it easier to accept. You were at the core of so much that motivated me, and gave me purpose.

I miss hearing you sing along to something on TV, or the sound of you and your mum chatting and laughing together. Those little moments—simple, everyday things—now feel like treasures I hold in my heart.

Today is All Soul's Day - a day of remembrance in Poland. This evening I visited your grave with your parents. The candles illuminated the night, creating that "mystic, nostalgic, thoughtful moment" you once wrote about—a stillness, with a gentle warmth that filled the air. You always found something comforting in these traditions:

"on 2nd November we celebrate a Memorial Day.....it's the time in which we just think bout our beloved dead ones...the ones that've gone....always too fast......always in the wrong time... ...we are with them with our thoughts,we speak to them...tryin' to deal with the fact that they've gone... ...and we pray.... Personally I think it is a nice tradition ....makes people rember and belive that there's not JUST the LIFE here on Earth....not just this one....otherwise it'd be no sense in living here... I like visiting the cemetaries...looking at the lightened candle "sea".....it's a mystic ,nostalgic, thoughtfull moment...a while in which everyone stays calm and quiet... Sinking in this atmosphere for a while....letting a single tear fall .....leaving with a hug with all the family....."

Looking at the lights, I could almost hear your voice, feel your spirit beside me. Your words are a reminder of what you believed: that there’s something beyond this life that connects us, something sacred and lasting. You may be gone from this world, but the love and light we shared remain, shining quietly through the darkness.

I have somehow muddled through the first year while knowing that the road ahead is full of yet more days without your smile, laughter, or passion, which was at the heart of so many things we held dear.

Yet, on the flip side, I'm grateful for all the time we spent together. Even when times were tough, we had each other. And now, this grief, which I carry daily, is just as precious and just as personal as any of the positive memories of the times we spent together.

As I continue on this journey, I know that a part of you lives in me now. And always will.

Sweet dreams Princess 💜

- Your English Boy